Wednesday, July 15, 2015

July 15 - Dear Nicholas Sparks (Guest Blogger Angela Hutto)

Dear Mr. Sparks,

3 weeks ago, I never would have dreamed that I would be writing about the death of my little baby girl. We had all of the hopes and dreams of any other expectant couple. We had already been blessed with 2 healthy daughters. Rebecca who is now 5 1/2 and Myra who is 4. We decided to try again, in the hopes of maybe having a son. We knew our chances were 50/50 and agreed that another daughter would be just as good. A healthy baby was all that mattered. My husband was hesitant at first of even having another child. He said that we had 2 healthy children and we should not press our luck. I longed for a baby again. So with a little convincing, we headed toward the road of pregnancy. It only took a few months before I found that I was pregnant. My pregnancy was like a textbook case. I had my first and only ultrasound at 18 weeks. It was so exciting to see our baby moving around inside of me. I remember the tech's words so clearly. "Looks like a healthy baby-everything seems to be normal." She said that she was 70% sure that we were having another little girl, which was fine with my husband and me. I remember my drive home and how lucky I felt that we had gotten such a good report. When we got home we shared the news with all of our family. My girls were so excited about having a baby sister. My pregnancy progressed normally as the weeks went by. Occasionally I measured about a week or two more than my due date, which did not seem of any concern. At 35 weeks, I started having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and started passing some blood tinged mucous. I went to the doctor and was told that they would like for me to go at least another week before I had the baby. I was already starting to dilate. I received 2 doses of Brethine, which stopped the contractions and was sent back home. Two days later on Thursday night, I started having contractions again. We went to the hospital, thinking this was the day. I was 3cm dilated. The doctor still wanted me to go a little longer, so I received more Brethine and went back home. By Saturday night I started having hard contractions that were becoming very regular. I sat up for several hours until I could not stand it anymore. At 3:30a.m. we headed to the hospital. When we got there at 4a.m. I was already 5cm dilated. This was finally the day. My husband and I were excited at the thought of finally having our baby. Labor progressed quickly. The doctor broke my water and it was like a flood. He commented on how much amniotic fluid there was, but did not let on any signs of concern. I had my baby girl shortly after that. When she came out we immediately knew that something was wrong. They suctioned her nose and mouth but she still did not cry. I could feel my heart drop, and in my mind all I could do is pray "Please let my baby cry". The minutes seemed to pass like hours as they worked on my baby at my bedside. Finally they said that they were going to take her to the nursery where they could give her better care. They were gone for what seemed like hours. The doctor came in and told us that things did not look good and a short while later the pediatrician came in with the news that our daughter was gone. It felt like a knife go through my chest and rip something out. The emptiness is still there and I wonder now if it will ever be filled. We got to see our baby, but at the time I was so upset that I could not bear to hold her. We went home the next day and leaving the hospital without my baby was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I have shed so many tears, that at times I feel like I cannot cry anymore. Then out of nowhere they come again. We had a beautiful graveside funeral service for our Belle and we could not believe the outpouring of love from all of our family and friends. It has only been almost 2 weeks but it still seems like yesterday. Not a moment passes that I don't think about my baby and all the plans that we had made. I do find some comfort in knowing that Belle is in a much better place now where she will never know the pain and suffering of today's world. She is in God's protecting arms and I can look forward to seeing her again. Even though Belle's life was very short - she has taught me a valuable lesson. Life is precious and we should never take it for granted. The things that I often thought only happen to other people, can happen to me too. I will forever be touched by my little Belle, and will always cherish the short time that I got to know her.

Angela Hutto (South Carolina)

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