Sunday, July 19, 2015

July 19 - Dear Nicholas Sparks (Guest Blogger Jillian Thomas)

Dear Mr. Sparks,

Hi my name is Jillian, and I had a son September 28, 2004 who was diagnosed with a right-sided diaphragmatic hernia. My boyfriend Derek and I tried to have a baby for about four years and never got pregnant. In 2000 I had a miscarriage so we took a break for awhile. Then in February 2004 we found out we were having our first child. We were so happy.

At around 18 weeks I went for my first ultrasound. I was so excited to see our little baby inside of me. I was actually having a baby. I couldn't be happier. Then about a week after that I went into see my doctor who said she wanted to send me for another ultrasound. It looked like the baby had a lump in his chest. About a week after I went for the ultrasound the doctor said our baby had CCam which is a lump in the chest and said if it didn't get larger we have nothing to worry about.

They kept a really good eye on me. I was going for ultrasounds about once a week. Then at 32 weeks I went in for another ultrasound. They then said that they wanted to send me for an MRI right after that appointment. They sent me upstairs at this point. I was so scared that words can't even say. Afterwards the doctor saw me right away with the results. My baby had a right-sided diaphragmatic hernia. I didn't know what that was so I was really concerned. The doctor told me about a diaphragmatic hernia, and I almost dropped. I couldn't believe this was happening to us. The doctor then told me our son had a 50% chance of living when he was born. I couldn't believe it, and since it was on the right side it caused his liver and bowels to go into his chest and crush his lungs.

I was induced on September 28, 2005 and went through 17 hours of labour, and out came our son who was 7 lbs 10 oz. As soon as he came out he was taken away. He didn't cry, and I was so worried. I didn't even get to see my son for five hours after they brought me a picture off him. They said they would come get me when he was stable enough for me to go down to the NICU. I had him at 2:10 a.m. and was finally able to go see him at 6:30 a.m., and there was my little boy just laying there and hooked up to all those tubes. I wished I was lying there and it was me going through all that. Why did God have to do this to such a helpless little boy.

The doctor told me that night that there was a 20% chance of him living through the night. I couldn't believe that it was really happening. I stayed with him all night. The next morning he was doing much better they did X-rays, and you could actually see his lungs in the X-ray. The doctors were pleased. When he first came out they told me his lungs were as if I was 18 weeks pregnant. Then we took it day by day.

One week had gone by, and little Derek was doing so good. The doctors said they couldn't ask for anything more. His oxygen levels were down from 100% to 42%. He was ready for surgery.

That night we decided to go home to rest a little. We had been at the hospital for eight days, and since he was doing so good we thought we could come home for a bit. We weren't in the door for more then three hours and the hospital called. "We need you to come back to the NICU. Little Derek has turned for the worst."

I hung up the phone and Derek and I were on our way. When we arrived little Derek's oxygen was back up to 100% and his stats were down. "What happened?" I thought,"What was going on?" That next week was the worst of my life. He had dropped in stats and wasn't coming back up. Four days after that my son Derek was still unable to go to surgery.

All I wanted to do was hold my son and tell him it was going to be okay, but I knew it wasn't. I never even got to hold my son, and then the doctors wanted to have a meeting. In this meeting they told us there was nothing more they could do for our son and that he deserves to be held by his mother before he dies so that when we made the decision to take him off the life support and let him go, it would be in my arms. It was the worst thing I ever had to do- to look into the eyes of my first child dying and there was nothing I could do about it. He passed away at two weeks old, and to this day I pray for all the other mothers out there that have to go through hard times like this.

Thanks for reading my story and taking the time out.

Dereks mom, Jillian Thomas (Great Britain)

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