Sunday, May 24, 2015

May 24 - Dear Nicholas Sparks (Guest Blogger Kirsten Booth)

Dear Mr. Sparks,

Every time I look at Ben, all I can think is Lincoln and I must have done something right because God let our little boy live when the odds were against him. We were meant to be his parents and meant to take this long journey with him. I can't tell any of you how many times I've thanked God for him being born 10 days early, in room 10, being in labor for 10 hours on September 10th because if it were any other way, I don't think Dr. Oliver would have been at Shelby medical that day (children's hospital doctor) to be there to catch his X-ray and know exactly what was wrong and for being so blunt when we didn't need any sugar coating that our child may not make it in the air lifting to children's. I have nightmares of Lincoln asking "isn't he supposed to be crying?" And my nana saving the day by telling him that that only happens in movies to keep him calm (I was still in shock that I just pushed a baby out) and them rushing him to me for a split second holding his limp, purple, rag doll body and letting me kiss him and running out of the room with him, taking him away from us to the NICU at Shelby. When I wake up from those dreams, all I can do is cry and thank God for letting me have him in my arms today. My 6 month old survivor. Not knowing what's going to happen next day after day when we were at children's for 14 weeks. Nurse after nurse, they were all so wonderful and 2 especially that I wish I could have just taken home with me that made it their first priority to care for our little boy when we weren't able too. Without any of those doctors or nurses, we wouldn't have our miracle baby. And I'm thankful for all the friends we made who became our rocks while we were there. It really hits home when I see other people going through things with their children that could take them away and sometimes does. Then there are the people with their healthy kids, who don't understand what us, as parents to miracles, go through and put ourselves through just to make sure our babies stay happy and healthy as possible. For months every time I seen someone at the store with their babies with them, I wanted to cry and possibly hit them screaming "it's not safe for them to be out in this store, too many germs!" Then I had to remember, oh yeah, that's just mine who would be badly affected by all the bad germs. I'll tell you what, the saying "God doesn't put you through anything you can't handle" is a test. He will put you through the worst imaginable thing to ever happen to anybody and test you, have faith in him and you will make it, you will come out on top with your prize; don't put your faith in his hands & you might just make it, you might. Seeing your child fight for his life in such a small body, my case 5lbs and 8oz, has got to be the biggest test anybody can go through. Such innocence and wonder, your children are the strongest beings, they have so much will to keep going on, to stay in this world and learn more, "there has to be more than these lights and these beeping machines", there is. Home. I know I haven't done a lot of good things in the past, neither has Lincoln but God found our prayers worthy of the miracles he has given us since Benjamin was born. And I hope Ben grows up, un embarrassed of his scars because without those scars, he wouldn't be here today. I stopped asking "why us?" "What if this never happened, what if he was born healthy?" A long time ago. God made us realize that there is more to life, don't take ANYTHING for granted. There are bigger things. I am glad to say that I am the mother to someone so special, so beautiful, so strong. Things can get really hard but I would go through hell just to make sure my son is happy and as healthy as he can be. I pray to God that this doesn't happen to anybody I know in my lifetime, and if it does, I pray their child is as big as a miracle as Ben is. And for those that I met, who didn't get so lucky in that department, God gave you the ultimate test, bigger plans. While we don't understand why or what, time will only tell. All we have is time, the clock is ticking, counting down to something more than life knows. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our son, to see why he let him live in our world. He was due on the day my grandma bow passed away the year before, he had the best angel there is talking to him in his dreams, coaching him to Lincoln and my arms. I love my right-sided diaphragmatic herniated, tube fed, living & breathing miracle and I love God.

Kirsten Booth

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