October is here and I know what
that means, My birthday is only weeks away and after that Halloween.
Then Thanksgiving, Christmas followed by the New Year and I can't forget
my big Brothers birthday. There is so much excitement that comes with
all these occasions. Families look forward to these holidays.
Flash back
Growing
up in a large family I knew at a young age there was nothing more in
this world I wanted more then I wanted to be a mother. Marring my high
school sweetheart at the age of 18 I could see my dreams coming true.
When
we decided we were ready for our little family to grow we thought this
was going to be an easy task. We were wrong. After many doctors, test
and God willing 5 years later we were expecting. Everything was
falling into place. We found out we would be having a boy. The
excitement I saw in my husband melted my heart. We picked out a name.
Started buying all those baby necessities. Everything was
perfect...... We were wrong again.
The day before my 27th birthday was the first time we heard those terrible words. Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.
Even
after hearing doctors tell me my son has little chance of life and
reading all the information we found online my husband and I still had
hope our Liam was going to make it. I felt him move everyday and I knew
my son was a fighter.
December 16th
was a work day and I was 28 weeks pregnant. I woke up will this
strange feeling like I just peed myself. Being my first child I was
clueless to the fact that my water broke. It was a mad rush to the local
hospital were I was careflighted to the nearest hospital best suited to
treat Liam's CDH. At this time I was put on bed rest. This meant I
would not be going home till after Liam was born. This was OK because
as with every family that's expecting a CDH baby knows about the long
hospital stays. Christmas, New Years and my brothers birthday all came
and went while I waited in that hospital bed.
January 24 started like any other Saturday
I woke up in the hospital. My dad came to visit and my husband would
be taking the long drive back home to check on things. As the afternoon
approached something just wasn't right. I started bleeding and as time
went on I started contracting. At this time everything started
happening so fast. Mad rush to L and D. Lots of Doctors in and out
telling me what to expect. With tears in my eyes and my husband by my
side we welcomed our Liam into the world. He was 4 lbs 15 Oz. and
never made a sound. It took them what seemed like forever to stabilize
my son and take him down to the NICU. Hearing
the doctor tell my husband he would be surprised if Liam lived 30
minutes.
It was a very long 2 hours in
recovery before I got to see my son for the first time. Seeing your
baby hooked up to all those machines is something no parent should have
to see.
Being a CDH parent you know holding
your baby is just not a option when they're first born. When the doctor
walks in to ask if you want to hold your son, you know the news they're
about to give is not good. Family filled that little room and watched
as my husband and I held our son for the first and last time. At 10 :48
I watched my son take his last breath in his daddies arms.
Liam
Joseph Hawkins lived 7 hours. We never expected things to end the way
they did. We never expected to leave that hospital without our baby,
empty handed. Looking back, I still don't see how we made it.
So,
Mr. Sparks, October is here and my family will never look forward to
these special occasions the same way again. A time that was once spent
celebrating, is now a time we just wish would hurry up and pass.
I
enclosed 2 pictures. One picture I believe captures the
love of our little family. The love we have for our son. The other is
one I've never really shown anyone. This picture was taken as I
watched the nurse unhook my son from the machines that were keeping him
alive.
Sincerely,
Brandy Hawkins
Mommy to Liam
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