Sunday, October 25, 2015

October 25 - Dear Nicholas Sparks (Lesa Plaisted)

Dear Mr. Sparks,

Where do I begin, considering it has only been 6 weeks since the passing of Aiden? Well, I guess I will start at the beginning. Austin and I have been married 2½ years and together for 6½ years. We have a beautiful little boy that just turned 2 in August. When Caleb was just a year Austin and I decided that we wanted to try again. Because I had the IUD, the doctor told us that once the IUD was out, we would more than likely to get pregnant in the first 2 months. He was right. Exactly 2 months later, I found out as early as you could possibly know. I was only 4 weeks. It was so exciting. The pregnancy was going great. I had a small spell of morning sickness for the first 4 months. Considering the fact that when we were pregnant with our now 2 year old, I had quite a difficult time. I had Paracarditise of the heart (inflammation of the lining surrounding the heart) and acid reflux disease and he tried to come a little too early (32 weeks). This pregnancy was wonderful. I worked until I was 36 weeks. I had all the normal blood testing and ultrasounds.

I had my second ultrasound when I was 17½ weeks. My doctor had written down that he suspected that Aiden was "small." The ultrasound technician stated that everything was fine. Time just seemed to fly by. On June 27, 2003 I stopped working because it was just getting way too difficult to walk a lot, and Aiden had dropped quite a bit. When the time came closer and closer, I began having pains in my lower back and pelvic area. The doctor said I was fine and that it was "lightening." I had gone to the hospital when I was 37 weeks because that I thought I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart and lasting 45-50 seconds and they were very consistent. When I got there they stopped. I was so frustrated. So they say that gravity helps labor so Austin and I would go walking every night for the next week. Nothing happened. I asked my doctor if I could get induced. He wanted to see the position of the baby so he did a small ultra sound on that Friday. I was 38 weeks. He told me that my amniotic fluid was a little low. The doctor said that he wanted to see me on Monday to check again. The weekend flew by. Monday was here and I went to the doctor. My doctor was worried. He thought that my fluid was measuring at only 5. He sent me to the hospital to get a better ultrasound. The technician there said that the baby was fine and that my amniotic fluid was at 11.2 and he rated me at an 8.

I never dilated except for a finger tip. So on July 21, 2003 at 10 p.m., I was induced. On the morning of July 22, the nurse began the PIT. By then I had dilated to 2 centimeters. As the morning went on, the pain grew strong and to the point that I couldn't handle it anymore so I asked for some medication through my IV. That helped me to relax. I took a nap. Then I remember the nurse coming in to check the monitor and seeing the look on her face. Please bear with me because everything from then on is somewhat of a blur. I do remember the doctor coming in and saying my blood pressure was up and so was the baby's. But two separate monitors where saying different. My doctor decided because I hadn't progressed, it would be good to just have a C-section. He said he didn't want to stress the baby anymore. I agreed. I called Austin because he was on his way to drop off Caleb and my sister at home, they were in visiting me earlier.

I remember a little in the OR. Austin and I were talking and waiting patiently. Finally Aiden was born at 2:45 p.m. Then my life stopped. They never showed me his face, you know, how they do it on TV, I remember looking over and seeing his little bum and the back of his head. I saw a lot of nurses. I asked if he was okay. I remember hearing someone say he is fine he just needs a little help breathing. Then I was brought into the recovery room. I was all alone for 30 minutes. No one told me anything. Austin, of course, was with Aiden. Then my doctor came and told me that Aiden would need more help that what our hospital could give him. So they were planning on transporting him by helicopter to Sacred Heart Children's Hospital in Spokane, WA. I requested to see him before they left. I don't remember much after they brought him to me until Austin received the phone call from the Neonatologist saying that we needed to get there ASAP due to the fact that Aiden was slipping away and he only had a 1% chance of living. I freaked out and screamed at the nurse to get the doctor in now I wanted to leave. The doctor came and said that he had made arrangements with Sacred Heart for us to stay there until I was ready to go home. The paramedics were in my room in 15 minutes. I put myself on the gurney and we were off. The ride was a blur due to all of the medication they were pumping into me. The next thing I remember is being in the hospital room and the nurse came in to tell me that I could go and see Aiden. They brought me into the NICU still in the bed. I sat by his side what felt like forever. I sang to him and told him that we loved him. He was so tiny. I learned from the NICU nurse that he was only 4 lbs, 6 oz. and 17½ inches long. The nurse also told me that the medication that they were giving him was keeping him alive until my mother-in-law arrived. The next thing I remember asking where my husband was. I felt so alone. I felt as if they were all starring at me wondering why my child was there and what did I do to cause this. Finally, my mother-in-law arrived. It felt like moments later. The doctor brought Aiden to our room. He turned off the machines. Once the doctor put Aiden into my arms, I knew that he was gone. I was an emotional wreck. Then all of a sudden, I felt something telling me that it was okay. I calmed down and played his elephant that his big brother had got him. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, Angels watch me through the light, until I wake in the morning light. Amen." I then gave him to Austin to hold. He held Aiden for quite sometime. I felt so much pain for my husband. I had never seen him like this. He was just as an emotional wreck as I was. Austin then gave Aiden to my mother. Everything seemed like a big cloud for the next 24 hours. I was unconscious to the world. I had my heart torn apart. I am sure my husband had felt the same way. Then I was able to see Caleb. He brought a smile to our faces. Austin and I have said that if it weren't for him, we don't know where we would be today.

Later I had learned that my mother, mother-in-law, and two sister-in-laws went to a room with Aiden and held him. That made me feel good to know that they were able to know Aiden and to love him.

I don't remember if it was the next day that we learned that Aiden had passed due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia due to Diaphragmatic Hernia. I had no clue what this was. The doctor explained it to us. He also said that Aiden had a possible muscle disorder. This reason was because he was so small and that CDH children usually are not that small unless there is something else going on. Aiden lived for 12 hours and 25 minutes. He fought every moment he was here on Earth.

The staff at Sacred Heart were amazing. They are wonderful, compassionate people. I will never forget any of those that were there during this emotional roller coaster. After Aiden had passed, one of the NICU nurses came in and gave me a beautiful box. It had mementos of Aiden. The blanket he used, little pieces of hair, hand prints & foot prints, pictures, the little knitted hat that he wore, and a few other items.

I went home on Friday. We had a grave side service for him on Tuesday, July 27th. It was beautiful. We sent balloons into the sky. There was music played "Amazing Grace" with bag pipes in honor of Austin and my families. Austin's mother is Irish and my 2 siblings, my mother and I are Scottish.

It has been getting easier to live by the day. The nights for me are hard. Austin has had headaches since Aiden's passing. He mentioned to me the other night that they aren't as bad as what they have been.

On September 2, 2003 we learned that Aiden had no chromosomal disorders and that he had an Eventration Diaphragmatic Hernia, meaning that he had the outer wall to his diaphragm but no muscle. His liver, stomach and intestines had moved up into his chest cavity. We also learned that he had stopped growing 4-6 weeks prior to me giving birth. The reason is unknown. My placenta was "crap." They used large words that I have yet to understand. But, I have been looking into the medical terminology, so I will update the reasons for my placenta not working right later on. The neonatologist mentioned that he didn't understand why at the last ultrasound it wasn't noticed that he was very small. His head was the size of a 41 week gestation newborn but his body was that of a 32 week old baby.

We know that there will be questions never answered. And we know that Aiden is in heaven waiting on our arrival. I feel like he was here for a purpose. He brought our family closer together in more ways than anyone knows. He has created me a new path to walk down. If it wasn't for my precious little angel, I wouldn't be here telling the incredible journey he had.

Aiden's mom, Lesa Plaisted (Washington)

No comments:

Post a Comment